We all experience pain in this life. I think it matters how we learn to cope with, deal with, interact with, and respond to the pain. EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE MATTERS. There are tools out there for us to use in order to effectively deal with, learn from, and improve our lives from the painful moments that we experience. The truth is this: Pain is inevitable, but through these tools, we can learn to make suffering a choice. This life will victimize ALL of us, but we get to choose how long we will remain a victim. Some of these tools include the uplifting and positive family members and friends, counseling, exercise, new perspectives and ways of seeing things, and creating connections. Becoming part of a group or small community made up entirely of others who have gone through what is currently causing or our suffering to continue can be particularly helpful.
I have never met someone I cannot learn something useful from, even if it is what NOT to do in my own life. The stories of others have the ability to provide us with insights, tools, new perspectives, and keys to our own healing.
When we don’t know how to cope or deal with the pain, sometimes we use ineffective methods to hide or mask the pain. We may use things in excess to temporarily comfort us in the moment and distract us from the pain like food, sex, pornography, alcohol, drama, illegal or over-the-counter drugs, etc. I know I have, and it worked, TEMPORARILY. All of these things can be enjoyable, distracting, and effective, albeit temporary, tools and methods to seemingly end our pain and suffering. But for permanent, LASTING ways of alleviating pain and suffering, we can choose to keep searching, and not settle for the seemingly immediate and temporary fix, and the easy and short-term enjoyment we experience in the here and now.
If we want an easy life later, we have to choose to do the hard things now. Choosing the easy ways now, leads to a more difficult life experience, later.
Some of us are addicted to our suffering. We may have experienced suffering for so long that the chemicals and hormones of suffering have now become a habit. Our suffering may have become comfortable and it may even feel normal. It may be the only thing we have known and we may not even realize the beauty that is out there awaiting us. We may currently be incapable of seeing it.
Some of us create problems and stressful situations out of habit so we will continue to feel “normal, “comfortable “ emotions of the suffering, all the while fearing if we don’t that things may actually get worse. As humans, we all have a desire and a need for significance. Being addicted to our old stories, the fact that we are a victim, and the attention, affection, acceptance, kindness, and love we get from expressing our pain to others is understandably addicting, as it brings us temporary pleasure through a false and destructive sense of significance in the form of pity that is disguised and mistaken for empathy, understanding, love, and kindness.
But what if there is a better way to get significance and experience pleasure? What if this way heals us, helps us, empowers us, and results US being capable of saving OURSELVES from our misery, leaving us stronger, much more healed and capable of contributing to others, and adding value to everyone we come into contact with?
How we cope with and deal with our suffering is important. Every little thing we think, say, and do, affects us daily, and it affects everyone around us. We all get to choose how we deal with our own, personal suffering. As we do, we must remember that we are not alone in our suffering. Together is better. There is always someone who is going through the same or similar things that we can turn to for help and advice, or maybe we can even help them in some way, simply by asking them a question that spark within them a remembrance of what they have gone through and learned.
The most helpful book I have come across in acquiring the necessary tools to heal from and alleviate suffering, amassing and practicing these important skills, and truly beginning to heal is Melody Beattie’s book, THE LANGUAGE OF LETTING GO. It has a daily paragraph that only takes a few minutes to read. I began reading it daily in 2014, and I will continue to read it daily as a part of my own, unique, personalized, morning routine. I highly recommend buying and using this highly effective and inexpensive healing tool.
Today I will research effective coping skills and find helpful tools which will help me deal with my pain and suffering more effectively. I will remember that anything I research, learn, or use will be useful to me in the future, as pain is an inevitable, inescapable part of life.
I have put together many of the tools I have learned as a part of my own healing experience and made them into easy habits. They can be found here:
Here are some of the most helpful videos I have found, full of healing tools, and tips on how to easily and quickly implement new practices into our lives, and really begin the healing process:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CAd_FcfK63c
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Remember: Mindset matters. Character counts. That which we choose to consistently focus on is what EXPANDS in our lives. WE CREATE our realities.