We all know people who ask for advice, but then when you give it to them they come up with EVERY excuse in the book, as to why your advice would be ineffective for them. I was this person for a majority of my adult life, until the age of 42.
Askholes can be SO frustrating!
In 2014, I had had enough! That was when I decided I wanted a change. FINALLY. I didn’t want the rest of my life to be like the last four decades of my life. I read a quote one day that brought it all home for me and really made me think:
IF YOU KEEP DOING WHAT YOU’VE ALWAYS DONE,
YOU’LL KEEP ON GETTING WHAT YOU’VE ALWAYS GOT.
Einstein once defined the meaning of INSANITY:
INSANITY IS DOING THE SAME THINGS, OVER AND OVER, WHILE EXPECTING A DIFFERENT RESULT.
I realized that if I didn’t change, nothing was going to change for me, and I really needed things to change. It had become a necessity. The life I was living was full of pain, suffering, hopelessness, depression, insanity, and anxiety. The life I had been living for YEARS was a life I was willing to do ANYTHING to escape, including suicide.
I am still alive today because I have three sons, and I just couldn’t leave behind THAT legacy for them. I also have an amazing, loving, supportive family, and I didn’t want to cause them heartache. So, I WENT TO WORK ON A DIFFERENT LEGACY. I have been blessed with SO MANY incredible, impactful, useful, helpful, empowering connections, since 2014. Most of these have come from teachers and mentors I chose to follow on social media (YouTube and Instagram), and have come to me through the YouTube shows, IMPACT THEORY, HEALTH THEORY, WOMEN OF IMPACT, THE LEWIS HOWES SHOW, THE ED MYLETT SHOW, THE AUBREY MARCUS PODCAST, and Brian Rose’s, THE LONDON REAL. Every one of the guests on ALL of these shows has provided me with the ideas, beliefs, philosophies, and the reprogramming tools I needed to change myself in the ways I WANTED to change. I will forever be grateful to the many people who made these shows available FOR FREE, to me and everyone else in this world!
I had to start small. Baby steps were the key. EVERYTHING was overwhelming! Once I had built up confidence by doing one small, easy thing consistently, until it became a habit, I added another, and then another. Years later, I can now look back with pride at the who I have expanded into, and the life I was able to create. I can now look to the future with hope and excitement, rather than the desire to escape, shrink, and hide in fear.
For the first time in my life, I am able to say that I am the father I always wanted to be. I am the husband I have always wanted to be. I am being the human I have always wanted to be. My interactions with others, and the many valuable connections I have made with so many others, are much more enjoyable, useful, meaningful, fulfilling, and beneficial.
My advice to anyone who wants a change?
Start small. Make it happen slowly, but surely, one day at a time. Don’t depend on others to make it happen for you! Nobody is going to come along and save us, no matter how badly we may want that, and even if they do, usually others do what is best for themselves as they try to save us in the best way they know how. Nobody is going to do our push ups for us. We must learn to be our own, best advocate. We must take charge of our mind and our life, and always strive to do our best.
WHEN WE CONSISTENTLY DO OUR BEST,
OUR BEST CONSISTENTLY GETS BETTER.
Learn all you can about who and what you want to become. Do ALL YOUR work YOURSELF, and look back in a few years with extreme pride at how far you have come. Think back 10 years, right now. Can you see how incredible you are, after these 10 years, and how amazing you truly are? Notice the skills you acquired, the new things you have learned and practiced, and gotten SO much better at! Now, imagine 10 years from now, and just think how much FARTHER you can grow with an intentional, well-planned strategy, a new set of upgraded beliefs, and new habits!
QUESTION EVERYTHING. EXPERIMENT WITH ANYTHING THAT HAS PROVEN SUCCESSFUL FOR OTHERS. FULLY EXPERIENCE THIS LIFE.
Practice, repeat, and habituate the things which are MOST IMPORTANT for YOU to get better at. Kill the excuses and all the reasons why you can’t, and start focusing ONLY on doing what you CAN!
Feed your focus. Starve your distractions.
Give yourself permission to be human, to fail, to learn, and to grow. Never quit. Never give up. Remember that the DISCIPLINE we learn, acquire, and practice, while working hard to achieve our goals and create the life we want and deserve, will spill over into ALL of the other areas of our lives. Remember that all of the small victories add up, multiply, compound, grow exponentially, and lead to MASSIVE victories.
Just ONE good day, practiced consistently, becomes a great week! A great week can be repeated, and can become an awesome month. An awesome month can be practiced and repeated, eventually becoming a life-changing YEAR. After enough of those years add up, they become the beautiful, purpose-filled, incredibly meaningful, enlightened, fulfilling life we will someday, SOON, find ourselves looking back at.
WE are in charge of creating the life we want. It is nobody else’s responsibility to save us. WE ARE IN CHARGE OF SAVING OURSELVES, and we can learn to do this through observation, reading, listening, experimentation, and through experiencing failure, then trying again, and again.
If a person like I used to be can change, absolutely ANYONE can. Anyone can get better, improve, grow, progress, practice, work, expand, and evolve.
CONSISTENT EXPANSION AND PERSONAL GROWTH LEAD TO HAPPINESS, PLEASURE, FULFILLMENT, AND ENJOYMENT.
REALLY, ISN’T THAT WHAT THIS LIFE EXPERIENCE IS ALL ABOUT?
If it sounds like work, and that’s because it is; however, the results and positive consequences that come from hard work are so much easier to live with than the results and negative consequences of creating a life of ease, laziness, and neglect. Either way, it’s work! This I know for myself, through decades of life experience.
No longer am I an askhole. I pay heed to the advice of others who are better at anything than I am, and because absolutely everyone is better at something than I am. I listen to everyone intently, seeking out any golden nuggets of wisdom I have not yet come across, with the intent of taking action and applying that wisdom into my life. Everyone has something to teach us, if we allow it.
Even the people who fail miserably. and constantly make bad decisions that result in an awful life experience, are teaching us what NOT to do.
I used to have beliefs, practices, routines, habits, and an environment, which could ONLY produce and constantly recreate unhappiness, sadness, fear, anxiety, guilt, anger, and a deep, dark depression. It is with the help of others I learned how to change it all. I am so grateful for EVERYONE in my life. I now realize that EVERYTHING that was happening TO me was actually happening FOR me. I am so incredibly grateful for all that is transpiring that is constantly conspiring on our behalf, even if we don’t recognize or realize it. Thank YOU, for reading this, and for YOUR love, support, and awareness.
TOGETHER IS BETTER.
Today’s challenge for myself: Today I will look at just one thing in my life that I want to change for myself, in order to further my personal progress and growth. I will look for someone who is successful at the skill I desire to acquire, already, and go to them for advice, or research how to be better at this thing, MAKING SURE TO IMPLEMENT DAILY CHANGES towards this goal.
goodinthehead is also on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, and Twitter. Follow me there, as well, for daily messages, inspiration, motivation, and reminders. Please pay it forward, and share this, and ANY message, which may empower someone you love or may care about. It is through adding value to others by sharing and spreading wisdom, that we become more valuable as individuals, and collectively, as a whole, we all become wiser.
Remember: Mindset matters. Character counts. That which we choose to consistently focus on is what EXPANDS in our lives. WE CREATE our realities.