“The one common factor in all of my failed relationships is me.”
The first time I heard this, it hit me hard. I had just experienced my third divorce, and had spent YEARS in relationship after relationship, blaming everyone I was with, in some way, for the failures I had experienced. It took a lot of courage to admit it: The one common factor in all of my failed relationships is me. Saying it out loud felt like getting punched in the gut-HARD. It was the beginning of a new life.
I think it is important for each of us to realize that we play a major role in every decision we make, as well as all of the consequences we have either enjoyed or suffered. Every result, every outcome, and EVERYTHING that is going on in our lives, is a DIRECT RESULT of a choice we have made, a perspective we chose to act upon, a meaning or judgement we chose to attach to a person, place, or thing, and the way we decided to think and believe about it all. The quality of our actions are determined by the quality of our thoughts, beliefs, and habits.
UNTIL WE CHOOSE TO UPGRADE OUR PERSONAL THOUGHTS, BELIEFS, AND HABITS, we will continue to experience the exact same personal reality.
Everything we did, good or bad, we did it. WE chose that. Yes, we may have been programmed with certain beliefs from a young age that empowered us or disempowered us, and yes, the advertising agencies bombard us with endless programming, telling us we are lacking, and when we buy what they want us to we will finally be happy, but ultimately, our decisions our OURS.
When blame dissolves into ownership, we EXPAND.
Every action or inaction we take is our decision. If we are strong enough to own up to it, accept responsibility for it, and not make any excuses, it will grow our spirit and make us stronger, creating a higher sense of responsibility, a deeper connection to self, and a sense of credibility with ourself, a high level of self-pride, and EARNED self-esteem that will carry us through difficult decisions that will inevitably come. Each time we make an excuse, it chinks away at our amour of personal strength and our self-esteem. Excuses weakens not just us, and alters the way we view ourselves, but how others view us, as well.
When we are CONSISTENT with how we choose to show up in the world, we become progressively more and more dependable, predictable, and reliable to ourselves, and to others. We trust ourselves more, and others will, too.
We can choose, at ANY TIME, to leave behind the habit of making excuses, and create the new and empowering habit of practicing EXTREME ACCOUNTABILITY.
Instead of playing the blame game, and forever remaining a victim, we can leave behind the world of excuses and blame, take back our power, and lean and expand into a life of constant, consistent progress, improvements, and personal evolution.
Today’s challenge for myself: Today I will take responsibility for ALL of my actions, as well as the actions I have NOT taken, and admit that it is MY responsibility to fix anything I view as broken in my life. I REFUSE TO BE A VICTIM. Even though I may have been victimized, I will choose to no longer remain a victim.
John Maxwell has written over 100 short books on how to be a TRUE LEADER. To lead others, we must first know how to lead OURSELVES. Plug John Maxwell’s name into the YouTube search engine for a staggering dose of leadership.
A book I highly recommend is EXTREME OWNERSHIP, by The Navy Seal, Jocko Willink. He also has an INCREDIBLE podcast with interesting guests, who have stories that have absolutely inspired me on to greater heights and more useful, habitual actions in my own life Type his name into the YouTube search engine for an injection of strength, RIGHT INTO THE HEART!
goodinthehead is also on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, and Twitter. Follow me there, as well, for daily messages, inspiration, motivation, and reminders. Please pay it forward, and share this, and ANY message, which may empower someone you love or may care about. It is through adding value to others by sharing and spreading wisdom, that we become more valuable as individuals, and collectively, as a whole, we all become wiser.
Remember: Mindset matters. Character counts. That which we choose to consistently focus on is what EXPANDS in our lives. WE CREATE our personal realities.