January 12: Loss

Every single one of us will experience some kind of loss in our lives.  As a result, we all experience the sadness and grief from a real sense of loss.  All of us, no matter where in the world we are, have this one thing in common that connects us and intertwines our lives.  We can all relate to one another on this level.

The grieving process is difficult but necessary.  We all have to go through it sooner or later.  It is a natural part of this human life.  The more effectively we are able to grieve, the healthier, happier, more resilient, and strong we will become, even after EXTREME loss.  We will heal more quickly and be in a place to help others do the same. 

The revised 7 stages of grief are:

  1. Shock-Initial paralysis at hearing the bad news.
  2. Denial-Trying to avoid the inevitable.
  3. Anger-Frustrated outpouring of bottled up emotion-some of which isn’t even related to the current circumstance.
  4. Bargaining-Seeking in vain for a way out of the grief.
  5. Depression-Final realization of the inevitable.
  6. Testing-Seeking realistic solutions.
  7. Acceptance-Finally finding the way forward.

It is OK to feel any or all of these feelings at any time.  Feelings are a normal part of life and we don’t ever have to feel guilty or ashamed of our feelings.  Our difficult times help us appreciate the good times that much more when they are there.

I think it is important to learn to treat every day as if it could be our last.  It very well could be.  When we leave the house, or hang up the phone or say goodbye to anyone, we can choose to realize and remember it might be the last time.  We can choose to make it count.  By choosing to habituate and automate ALWAYS being as genuine, authentic, real, honest, transparent, and open, as we possibly can, we will be giving others the best of ourselves at all times, hopefully leaving behind a beautiful legacy of connection, acceptance, empathy, and love.

When I lose a loved one and am grieving, I often replay the last moments or the last conversation I had with them and pay attention to how that makes me feel.  This helps me to remind myself each day to give others my best, each and every moment, no matter the situation.  Remembering that each moment could very well be our last, helps me remember who I want to consistently show up in the world as.

We can learn how to grieve effectively.  We can talk with others who have gone through devastating, horrific losses, and ask for their help or advice in our own healing.  I think we would all be shocked, surprised, and completely in awe of some of the things people have lost, come back from, and eventually healed through.

Grief counseling and groups are a wonderful way to heal and learn how to heal.  I’ll be honest.  At first, opening up to strangers is uncomfortable, and even difficult, but my most magical, empowering moments have come from doing just that, and realizing the truth of the fact that I am NOT alone in my pain, anguish, and sorrow.  When we are courageous and vulnerable enough to share with others, we provide the opportunity for others to do the same, and the load we ALL bear is lifted, shared, and diminished, THROUGH the process of sharing.  I still don’t know exactly HOW it works.  I just know that it does, and I am grateful for that.

It also helps to ensure we are surrounded by accepting, kind, empathetic, helpful, empowering people, with our greater good in mind.  Some of us may not have this environment in our homes, or in our personal lives, YET, but we can begin creating this safe environment for ourselves, TODAY.  THIS is the magic of an organized group of people.  A support group can teach us how to better do this.  We cannot be what we cannot see, and sometimes it takes mingling with total strangers to see what healing and beauty is possible for US.

It may not be for everyone, but I think experimenting with ANYTHING that might help is a useful practice.

Today’s challenge for myself:  Today I will act as if it is the last day I will live and I will let the important people in my life know just how important they are to me, with my words and with my actions.

Ram dass, through the YouTube podcast, BE HERE NOW, has empowered me to work through and better understand death and dying, fully grieving the loss of loved ones, and seeing life in a totally different set of ways.  Because of him, I have been blessed to experiment with, and enjoy, many different ways of believing and BEING.  I highly recommend subscribing to, and listening to, this podcast OFTEN.

goodinthehead is also on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, and Twitter.  Follow me there, as well, for daily messages, inspiration, motivation, and reminders.  Please pay it forward, and share this, and ANY message, which may empower someone you love or may care about.  It is through adding value to others by sharing and spreading wisdom, that we become more valuable as individuals, and collectively, as a whole, we all become wiser.

Remember:  Mindset matters.  Character counts.  That which we choose to consistently focus on is what EXPANDS in our lives.  WE CREATE our realities.

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