I think it’s possible that we all want to feel important, significant, and valuable at SOME point in time, during this human experience. EVERYONE wants to feel validated at SOME point. It doesn’t matter who we are, or what we have done or not done. Significance is a basic human need, sooner or later.
From where do you derive your own feelings of significance? How do you feel important? From what situations or circumstances do you seek validation? Some people feel important by contributing to the lives of others or adding value in some way. Others feel important by following certain personal rules explicitly imposed upon them by their parents or a religion. Others feel important when they work hard and receive a reward, like a good grade in school, a certificate of completion, or an achievement at work. Others feel more valuable when getting a promotion or a bonus, or when their bank account reaches a certain amount. Yet others can only feel important when they feel superior to others, and tend to suffer from a Superiority Complex and compare all their strengths to the weaknesses of others.
We all seek to feel the misperceived holes or voids we think are present within us. Many of us do it by creating situations or illusions in which we feel special or different.
Others, and I think we have all done this in our lives, hurt other people by throwing them under the bus, gossiping about people when they are not present, and shedding other people in a negative light. This is a method called, “Spot-lighting.” When we do this to others, we are trying to put people down so that we will appear to be elevated above them in some way and make it appear that we are better than them, or more important than them. We are, at the time of such actions, caught up in a destructive process, instead of a creative process. I know I have been guilty of this.
When we compare our strengths to the weaknesses of others, we demean and depreciate them, and we damage ourselves in the process. No holes are filled. No voids are made whole. No damages are repaired. Instead, we create within ourselves an even LARGER set of needs for validation and significance, which we later learn can ONLY COME FROM WITHIN US.
I love this quote: “A CANDLE LOSES NOTHING BY LIGHTING ANOTHER CANDLE.”
A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle, but the whole world gains. When all the candles are blown out but one, that one candle doesn’t shine any more light than usual. It can only shine so bright. Additional brightness from candle light only comes when many candles are lit.
The only way we will become elevated in this life is through the process and consistent practice of elevating and appreciating the value of others. One of the best beliefs I think each of us can adopt is the belief that we become more important when we make others feel more important. We don’t have to be disingenuous sycophants about it, either. I think it is extremely important that when we set out to make others feel important that we are honest, authentic, and genuine about it.
When we genuinely and honestly compliment others, instead of criticizing or condemning them, we elevate them. We give, and they receive, an outpouring of positive energy. Momentum is gained as they then do the same. There are energies we still don’t understand, laws yet to be discovered. We do know that we get back what we put out.
Generosity towards others is the precursor to abundance. Giving creates space to receive more. For every action there is a reaction. Energy flows where focus and attention goes. We can choose to become a part of a creative, positive process, instead of a destructive process, and busy ourselves building others up. I believe this is one of the most fulfilling ways we can feel more significant and more important.
Today I will ask myself, “From where do I derive my own feelings of importance? How do I go about feeling more significant? Is this process I choose creative or destructive?”
A MASTER at genuinely making others feel important and special was Dale Carnegie. His book, HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE, has empowered me with MANY tools throughout my life to create more beautiful relationships, special bonds and connections with everyone I come into contact with, and has been a constant companion and guide on how to be LOVE in each and every opportunity for interactions.
There is a link to a free audio version of this book on YouTube.
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Remember: Mindset matters. Character counts. That which we choose to consistently focus on is what EXPANDS in our lives. WE CREATE our realities.