Last week I spoke with my Grandma.  She’s turning 97 on the 30th of this month.  Here is what she said: “Well, the doctors are telling me I’m going to die.  It’s been great being your grandmother.  I love you.”

It was cute, but devastating.  Never once in my entire life have I heard this woman speak an unkind word.  Every time I visit with her, in person or on the phone, she gives praise to me and everyone we talk about, always focusing on everyone’s positive attributes and the things that make them great.  I responded with: “Well, it’s been great being your grandson!  I love you, too.  You have always been such a great example to all of us.  Thank you, grandma.”

She has terminal cancer.  I come from an incredible family, and everyone is doing what they can to ease her pain and make her comfortable.  As my girlfriend pointed out last night, we are all going to die.  We all have that in common.  What kind of a legacy will we leave behind?  When our loved ones speak of us after we have passed on, what will they say of us?  How will they remember us?

I always say that they just don’t make them like they used to.  I’m referring, of course, to the quality of some of the older generations, their ideals and standards and ways of living and thinking.  Things got really screwed up somewhere along the way.  I drop my sons off at their Junior High and High School and the kids are screaming obscenities and saying things that 20 or 30 years ago would have given any adult a heart attack.  What changed so much that made kids these days think that that sort of behavior is okay or normal in any way?  Look at the way society in general behaves today and compare it to 50 years ago.  What changed so much?  Is is what we watch in the movie theaters?  Is it the video games we play?  Is in immediate access to anything we want to view or research on the internet?  What are our children thinking about and focusing on and spending most of their time on right now in their lives?  What are we thinking about and focusing on and spending most of our time on right now in our lives??

The truth is, we are all self made.  The sweet, kind, thoughtful person that my grandma is today and has always been was a daily, conscientious choice.  She decided what kind of a person she wanted to be and became that, on purpose, every day of her life.  The legacy my grandmother will be leaving behind is one of kindness, and I’m so grateful for how she has touched my life and for what a great example she has always been to me and others on how to always keep it classy.

We are all the architect of our inner lives.  We have the opportunity to choose, at any given moment, what to think about and what to focus on.  Over time, THAT is who and what we will become.  Practice now being what and who you want to be.  Be today the person you know your future self will thank you for being.

If we know what we want, we know what to focus on.  Become clear on what you want, how you want to speak, think, and act.  What do you want to do for work?  This will determine what you focus on in school, your personal research and your goals.  How do you want to look and feel?  This will determine what you focus on eating and not eating, whether or not you exercise and what you do for exercise.  What kind of person do you want to be with?  This will determine what you focus on in order to become the person you need to be to attract that person you want to be with.  Best advice I’ve ever been given or could give to another?  Above all, be kind.  I learned that from my grandma.

As a cab driver, I meet all kinds of different people, from all different walks of life.  Part of the fun and feeling of adventure that comes along with my job is never knowing who I will meet.  I start off each day with the thought that I would like to make a positive difference in someone’s life I meet that day.  Think about it:  I have a captive audience.  I can, for the most part, control the conversation, change the topic and focus of what is said, and can usually do it quite easily with questions.  Inevitably, I’m the one who is changed in a positive manner by those I meet and spend a brief period of my day with.

About a year ago I pulled up to the front of an apartment complex in a questionable neighborhood some place in Phoenix.  I had no idea where I was.  I called the passenger and she said she would be out to the cab in just a minute. As I watched her walk to the cab, I couldn’t help but notice she was very beautiful.  She was a young, Latina woman, about 24 years old, but she looked distraught.  I quickly got out of the cab and walked around the back of the car and opened the door for her.  Just like most people, she looked at me like I was a crazy person for opening her door, then quickly thanked me and sat inside.  As I closed her door, I couldn’t help what wonder what we would talk about and what I could leave her with in the form of words that may brighten her day.

It didn’t take long to start the conversation.  I asked her how she was, and the broke down and started sobbing.  She told me that only 15 minutes before her boyfriend had tried to choke her to death.  The neighbors had heard the commotion and had quickly called the cops, literally saving her life.  She was on her way to a court ordered, mandatory mental health appointment, and all she could think about was how angry he would be with her when he got out of jail and back home.  She then began to tell me her story:

She grew up in California.  I can’t remember all of the details, but she told me that at the age of 8 she began to be pimped out for sex by a Mexican gang there where she lived.  I can only imagine what kind of physical and mental and emotional damage that was done to such a young girl.  For years she lived like this, and told me the only way she could escape her literal hell was by drinking and doing some pretty hard core drugs.  That life was all she knew.  I have no idea where her parents were or what kind of family life she had that allowed for such a devastating life.  She never had a chance.  Now at the age of 24, she had four children, none of which lived with her.  The courts had taken her children from her and placed them in homes with foster families.  She sobbed and sobbed as she told me about her life and how awful it had turned out and how unhappy and scared she was.  I don’t know what it is about cab drivers and bar tenders, but people tend not to hold back.  She really unloaded on me.  It was obvious she needed to talk some things out and process everything.  As she told me everything, my heart sank.  I was speechless.  I had no idea what to say to her-none at all!  I was completely blown away by what she said.  I always try to imagine myself in the other person’s shoes, and think about how I would react to what they have been through.  Without a doubt I feel like I wouldn’t have been able to handle anything this young girl had been through half as well as she had.

Finally, about 20 minutes into our 30 minute drive, I looked into her eyes in the rear view mirror and said, “It sounds like you need to make some changes with your life.”  She stopped crying for the first time in 20 minutes and started laughing.  I’ll be honest.  It made me a little uncomfortable.  She looked back at me in the mirror and yelled, “You think?!!”

Then she started asking questions:

“How do I change?”

“How am I supposed to heal from what has happened to me?”

“How am I supposed to me a good mother to my babies?  I probably won’t even get them back?”

“How do I find a man that will be nice to me so I can get away from this guy who just wants to kill me?”

I didn’t really know how to answer some of these questions.  I told her that her future was up to her and that no matter what had happened in her past, today was a new day, and each day she woke up she had a choice and a responsibility to herself to make her life as good as she could from here on out.  I asked her what she wanted.  She said she just wanted to be happy.  I asked her what would make her happy and she answered that she wanted to be with someone who loved her, to get off drugs, and to get her kids back.

By this time we were pulling into the parking lot for her appointment.  I wished her well and said, “Good luck with everything.  It seems like you have a lot of work to do.  If you want it badly enough, you will do it.”  She looked into my eyes.  In that brief moment I wondered what would come of this girl.  What would come of her children?  Would she ever be able to get the kind of help and support she needed from anyone or anywhere to make the necessary changes in her life in order to be happy?  I knew there wasn’t a damn thing I could do for her.  She had to choose to do some things for herself.  I wondered if she could do it while living her current lifestyle, on drugs with a violent boyfriend and surrounded by people making poor choices, all the while getting deeper and deeper into trouble with the court system.

She told me thank you.  I asked her to wait for me to open her door.  As she got out of the cab she told me nobody had ever opened a door for her before.  I wished her good luck with everything and we parted ways.  Ten years ago, when my wife of 12 years left me for another guy, I found myself raising my three sons on my own.  I never thought something like that would happen to me.  I was sure my marriage would last my whole life and me and my wife would endure to the end and grow old together.  I felt sorry for myself for years and adopted a “poor me” attitude, the mentality of a victim. Truth is, I’m now grateful my ex wife left me. I don’t blame her for doing it.  So much good came from it.   After hearing this girl’s story, I remembered how much help and love and support I had received from my mom and her husband, my dad and his wife, and my sisters.  I had such a great support system and so did my boys.  I said a small prayer for this girl.  She helped me remember how great my life really is, and how blessed I truly am.  She helped me remember there is hope for the hopeless.  She helped me remember that we all need to stand up and take responsibility for our own lives and each of our choices and for the choices we will make every day from now on.  Every day is a new opportunity.

This particular man was quite inspirational. At first glance he didn’t seem like much. I called him five minutes before his pick up time to let him know I would be there and he gave me directions to his apartment. When I got there he came out and sit down in a notebook and a soda on the ground. I noticed that he was well dressed but was missing his right arm.  I try not to ask about such things with my passengers but most of them seem to feel like they can trust me with any information most of the time.  As we begin our 20 minute journey to his doctors office, he proceeded to tell me about his story.

About nine years ago he was just a regular, average, healthy guy. He actually owned his own construction business and has worked all over. One day, while at work, he scratched his arm on a screw. Unknown to him, he contracted streptococcus.  Three days later, where he had gotten scratched, there was a bump on his arm the size of a softball that was warm to the touch and was leaking pus. It was very infected. When he went to the emergency room to be seen they put him on an ambulance and immediately transported him to a hospital in downtown Phoenix.  That was the end of his old life and the beginning of his new and painful one. The virus eat away at his body. The doctors had to remove his right arm and most of one of his legs trying to get rid of the infection.  He had severe issues with his neck and became paralyzed. The doctors told him he would never recover, let alone walk again.  They gave him a titanium neck in hopes it would help him. When they told him he would never walk again, he refused to believe it. He actually told the doctor that he would walk into his office in six months for his wellness check appointment.  The doctor simply told him that he liked his attitude and wished him luck. Six months later this man rolled his wheelchair to the front door of the doctors office then stood up and walked in to talk with the doctor face-to-face.  The doctor couldn’t believe it.

For years he described how he had battled different obstacles and health issues but had decided he would never give up.  He told me how healing and living and how much we heal and how much of a quality lifestyle we live is completely in our own minds and is up to us.  He said he knew he was lucky and blessed to even be alive.  He stated that it could’ve been a lot worse, and that knowing this made him more grateful for his current circumstances even though they were far from perfect.  Here was a man who had every right and reason to be angry at the universe or God at whatever or just angry in general.  He chose to except things the way they are and to let go of anger and resentment and simply focus on living the best life that he could now with his current circumstances. He said that he had never been happier.

How many of us feel sorry for ourselves but have all four limbs and are in pretty good health?  It is so easy to start feeling sorry for ourselves and our current circumstances when in reality we actually have it quite good compared to so many people in this world. It could ALWAYS be worse.

This man chose to focus on what he could be grateful for in his life instead of focusing on how unlucky or cursed he had been.  His main focus now, and every day, is on how to build the best life he can from here on out, and letting the past go.

I meet people like this almost every day while at work. I always come away from each experience feeling grateful for who I am and what I have. Talking with others and hearing their stories inspires me and helps me to remember just how good of a life I really do have.

Years ago my doctors told me that I would never work again and that I needed to go on disability. My back was in pretty bad shape, and I couldn’t sit or stand for very long periods of time. I have three sons so going on disability wasn’t really an option. I had to do something. I started driving Cab once or twice a week and would recuperate and heal the rest of the time.  Eventually my back became stronger and because of someone I took in my cab one day, and a few things they had to say, I decided to cut sugars and carbs out of my diet as much as possible. I actually lost about 60 pounds in three months, and my back became well enough to work more.  I’m grateful for my job not just because it helps me to pay my bills and take care of my three sons, but because I really do enjoy it and I enjoy speaking with and being inspired by so many people.

“I don’t believe in mistakes.  EVERYTHING, no matter how horrible, destructive, painful or bad it may be-whether they do it to us or we do it to them-is in some way, no matter how big or small-EVENTUALLY for our own greater good.  EVERYTHING.  Only after we realize this, learn this, know this for ourselves by going through hell and being burned by the fire will we truly learn gratitude.  Only by being truly grateful will we be truly happy.  Embrace your tragedies!  Embrace your pain!  FEEL IT ALL.  It is at this moment the universe is about to sling shot you from the depths of despair to the most beautiful heights of your eternal existence.”

For any kind of change to manifest itself in our life, good or bad, it has to first be a thought in our mind.  You can look at the life of anyone around you and realize it is a life they have created themselves, generated by their own action or inaction in the form of personal choices, all which has been generated by the way they think.  Certainly there are things that happen TO us in our lives that we have no control over.  Sometimes in our lives the only thing we can control is how we react to what happens to us.

We all have a story.  We all live this life to the best of our abilities.  Because of what we have experienced, seen, been taught, chosen to perceive, learned, and because of the habits we have chosen to create over time, we are now living the life we are currently living.

Thought becomes words, which becomes actions, which becomes habits, which becomes our life.  With this in mind, one realizes the importance of the thoughts introduced into the mind.  One realizes the importance of the thoughts occupied continuously and consistently in the mind.

We are all inspired, in one way or another, by other people in our lives.  Sometimes it is a family member we look up to and admire who inspires us.  Sometimes it is an artist who inspires us through lyrics in a song.  Others of us are inspired by individuals who died centuries ago, but left behind profound words of wisdom.

I have been taught these things throughout the years by my parents, church leaders, friends and through reading books.  I made a conscious decision and effort to start controlling the thoughts going into my mind about a year and a half ago when I realized I wasn’t happy with the way my life was going or how I was feeling on a day to day basis.

I tried an experiment:  I started saving all of my most favorite, inspirational quotes I came across on Facebook, Pinterest, Google and books I read into a folder on my iPad and iPhone.  I started spending five to ten minutes every morning after waking up reading through some of them before I started to get ready for the day.  At first it seemed pointless.  It felt like a waste of time.  After months of consistently reading through them, contemplating them, believing them and eventually repeating them without even thinking about it in conversations, I realized that thinking those inspirational thoughts had become a habit.

Once you are in the habit of thinking differently and thinking about different, more positive and inspiring topics, you will make different choices in your life.  Your desires will change.  Where you want to go and when will change.  What you want to do with your free time will change.  That’s okay.  Change is good, especially when it is for the better and it lifts and inspires you and those around you instead of causing harm.  I love the quote by Socrates:  “The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.”  When your thoughts change, it is a natural progression for your words, deeds, habits and life to follow suit.  You attract into your life the things that you think about the most.

Imagine the best life you could possibly think of.  What would it be like?  What would you do during your days to fill your time?  Where would you live?  What would you do for work to make money?  What would your hobbies be?  How would you treat others?  How would you allow them to treat you?  What kinds of people would you allow yourself to be surrounded by and have to be in your life?  What would your house look like?  What would your dream car be?  How would you treat yourself?  What would your self talk, eating habits, exercise, mediatation, and your heigene habits be like?  Imagine living that life and how you would feel.Once you know exactly what it is that you want, it’s so much easier going out and getting it!  I’ve often thought that in college, when you know exactly what you want to study and which degree you want is 90% of the battle.  I think the same is true in life.  When you know what you want, things become less complicated.

It may take time to reprogram your brain to think differently, and for your words, deeds, habits and life to follow suit, but wouldn’t you rather live your life on purpose?  Wouldn’t you rather be as much in control as you possibly can be of your life in every way?  One gift we all enjoy is free agency.  We get to choose who and what we become.  It all starts with what we think about.

Another inspiration

 A book I’ve started reading daily is, “The Language of Letting Go”, by Melody Beattie.  It has daily entries/excerpts to read that are only a paragraph long.  Read daily and consistently, it has been a game changer for me.  It has challenged me to think differently and heal quickly, emotionally.  My life is so good.  I am so blessed.  We all are.  Sometimes, it just takes a little longer for some of us to realize it.