Sometimes, because of the beliefs we perceive that we were raised with and still believe, we are critical-minded. We learn to criticize OURSELVES, feeling inadequate and devoid of value, and then we practice criticizing OTHERS, many times simply hoping to prove to ourselves that others are ALSO inadequate and devoid of value. This can, over time, become a very damaging habit. I know that in my own life it has been a destructive force.
Over the years I’ve been able to really take a good look at some of the beliefs thought I was being raised with when I was much younger-MOST of which my young mind simply mis-perceived. Some of these beliefs weren’t helpful, effective, or useful, in creating the life I want to live in the future, so I’ve been experimenting with beliefs to replace them, that have 100% proven to be HIGHLY effective, helpful, and useful in recreating a personal reality FAR more enjoyable than the one I lived for DECADES. I wish I had known to do this much sooner.
I created The goodinthehead Beliefs Project as a result. This project empowered me to completely alter and optimize ALL aspects of my life.
One of the beliefs which I perceived that I was raised with, but was never really verbalized, was that it was important to criticize myself and others. My perception was that I thought I was taught to think that it would somehow help me and them improve. It was meant to motivate and be a positive force which would then bring about positive results, but eventually it led me to being overly-critical towards myself and others. This resulted in a catastrophic decline in self-confidence, bouts with severe depression, self-loathing, and hatred towards myself and others for never being good enough. Being overly-critical of myself and others also resulted in lost opportunities for deep, meaningful connections with the people that were supposed to mean the most to me in my life. I drove important people away from me and missed out on key experiences, and opportunities, that I now believe would have resulted in a much more fulfilling and meaningful life for myself and the ones I love.
I eventually decided to replace that belief with a new one that I believed would serve me much better in the future. As I continue to reprogram my brain to think differently so I will then behave differently, adopting this new belief for the old one has been incredibly helpful:
Never criticize anyone. I think that instead, it is important to first and foremost reveal our own, personal mistakes and weaknesses. We can choose to point out where we can improve and how we plan to do so. This gives others the opportunity to do the same thing. Being vulnerable and transparent is where our strength is. Be daring enough to expose ourselves, it affords others the same opportunity, and can even inspire others to connect with us on a deeper, more meaningful level, and many others will actually choose to protect us and speak up for us when we are not even present.
This is all much easier said than done. It takes time and practice to replace potentially harmful thoughts, words, and actions with the thoughts, words, and actions that will benefit us and others. Especially when such practices have become a habituated, automatic addiction. I believe that if we work hard to do so, the environment we create for ourselves to live in will become infinitely more enjoyable.
Vulnerability is not a weakness. It is a strength. Expressing and sharing things we feel make us vulnerable is the equivalent to telling others, “I do not think I am better than you, I am simply different than you. I have human strengths and weaknesses, just like you. We are unique individuals, and I am not going to compare myself to you. I choose, instead, to compare myself to who I was yesterday. I accept you exactly as you are and hope you choose to return the favor, but if you don’t, I’VE GOT ME. I am trying to be the best person I can be, and that is the only expectation I will ever have of you, that you also try to be the best version of yourself you can be. I choose to believe that you always are doing this. I know it is my job to take care of me, not yours. It is your job to take care of yourself, not mine. I am in charge of my happiness and success and you are in charge of yours. I will never expect you or anyone else to make me happy or successful in any way. That is my job. Along the way, let us be there for one another, always helping, uplifting, inspiring, supporting, and motivating one another, but let us always remember the importance of personal accountability.”
Today I will practice complimenting others instead of criticizing them. I will practice being vulnerable and talk with someone I trust and look up to about an area in which I think I can improve.
Some of the most helpful, useful, effective content I have come across is the interview given by Lewis Howes on YouTube, featuring Marisa Peer. In it, she shares methods of healing that are so easy and effective, which after implementing and practicing has completely revolutionized the ways in which I think and live.
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Remember: Mindset matters. Character counts. That which we choose to consistently focus on is what EXPANDS in our lives. WE CREATE our realities.