I think one of the most incredible and empowering beliefs that anyone can implement into their own belief system, and benefit a great deal from, comes to us through the teachings of Tony Robbins:
“Trade your expectations for appreciation,
and the world changes instantly.”
When we expect something from someone else, we create a situation in which there is a possibility for disappointment, anger, bitterness, contempt and frustration. We get caught up in a destructive cycle, creating a day, week, and eventually a life of disappointment, anger, frustration., bitterness, resentment, and rage. When we expect more from ourselves, it comes from a place of re-creation. We can’t control others, but we can control ourselves, and PROGRESS EQUALS HAPPINESS.
When we appreciate someone for who they are, the things they say and do, and the value they add, we create a situation in which we will get even more of that. We get caught up in a creative cycle, creating a life of meaning, connection, happiness, peace, and positivity. The same is true with self-appreciation. It becomes important to pay attention to what we are thinking about and what we are focusing on, all day long, because we become what we think about, and we attract more of what we focus on and WHAT WE ARE. Thoughts are electrical, but FEELINGS ARE MAGNETIC, and the way we feel magnetizes and attracts everything similar to what we are feeling. WE ATTRACT WHAT WE FEEL ABOUT.
While expectations may be considered premeditated resentments, it must be said that it is incredibly beneficial for each of us to have healthy boundaries or rules, and be clear with others on exactly what our personal rules and boundaries are. This offers others the opportunity to respect our rules and boundaries, thereby showing and proving respect and love towards us. It also offers others the opportunity to test our rules and boundaries, by playing the role of devil’s advocate, poking and prodding to see what they can get away with, or without us knowing or realizing it, gradually and methodically desensitizing us to the fact that they are getting away with more and more. All of these things can serve a few really great purposes:
- It allows us the opportunity to repeatedly practice communicating and living in congruence with these personal rules and boundaries. Sometimes this is extremely difficult, but it is by doing difficult things that we build credibility with ourselves and others through consistency, and we grow our self-esteem.
- It allows us the opportunity to practice what we believe, being tested on the level of resolve we have towards our rules and boundaries, and strengthened by the experience, or maybe have our weaknesses exposed regarding them, learning what we need to practice getting better at.
- It allows for the opportunity to question our rules and boundaries, thereby being able to redefine them into something more beneficial and optimal for ourselves and those around us, through this testing phase.
- It provides us the opportunity to see who truly respects and loves us, and allows us to respect and love ourselves, while exposing those who may not have our best interest at heart.
- It offers the opportunity to be reminded of what is and isn’t important to us, through the experiences that can only come through contrast, and reminds us what we need to re-focus on, and begin thinking about more regularly.
Any and every response from others, and any reaction they may have towards our personal rules and boundaries, therefore, benefits us, no matter what.
Success leaves a trail anyone can follow. Results don’t lie. The most successful people in this world have certain CONSISTENT practices, disciplines, and habits in common, the most important of which is a mindset and a set of beliefs that propels them towards Personal Development. They have the concrete belief that they are good the way they are right now, and that with each moment and each life experience, there is an opportunity to get even stronger, wiser, and better.
One of the many tools which highly successful people use, is to find out what they are good at. They discover the things that make them the best at who they are, and they get better at those things. They cultivate and develop them, and experiment with the implementation of habits which will make them better at these things, careful to remember that getting better is a gradual, slow, meandering, timely, process that only comes through consistency and repetition. They expand the best about themselves, and create an environment around themselves, with certain practices, disciplines, and habits, in which they can more effectively and easily grow. They don’t spend time or energy trying to become something or someone they are not, but instead spend all of their time and energy becoming more of who they are.
Truly successful people practice Self Awareness, because they have learned that Self Awareness leads to Self-Empowerment. They dive deeply within to find their own weaknesses, character defects, or flaws, which make them feel bad about themselves, experience a lower level of self-esteem, or distract them from growth. They work on those things relentlessly, to become stronger, wiser, and better. By so doing, they improve themselves, and empower themselves to efficiently and effectively do even MORE for OTHERS, knowing that the more value they add to others, the more valuable they become.
It is through the consistent and constant pursuit of Personal Development that life becomes better for us. It is through the consistent and constant pursuit of Personal Development that life become better for everyone else around us.
Today, as an experiment, I will choose to eliminate expectations of others, and focus instead on expressing gratitude for their strengths and the value they add. I will also do the same for myself.
One of the most empowering books I have ever come across regarding mindset is Carol Dweck’s incredible work, MINDSET.
The author to research when it comes to boundaries is Melody Beattie. I read from her book, THE LANGUAGE OF LETTING GO, every morning.
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Remember: Mindset matters. Character counts. That which we choose to consistently focus on is what EXPANDS in our lives. WE CREATE our personal realities.