July 24: Control

The most dangerous, destructive, disempowering thing we can ever do is to try to control or change another human being.  Expectations of others can be alternately considered as premeditated resentments.  Expectations can be premeditated disappointments.  Expecting to change or control others sets everyone up for opportunities of frustration, bitterness, anger, and resentment.

As well-intended as it may be, we cannot force others to “wake up” or “grow.”  Their journey is THEIR journey, and while we are focused on controlling their journey, we are distracted from our own.

It is okay to simply remember to accept 100% responsibility for ourselves.  We can choose to focus on OUR solutions, improvements, and progression.  In the end, we will realize that we can only really change and improve OURSELVES.

When we focus 100% on OUR journey, we are FAR more capable of really doing it WELL, and as a natural result of us simply doing the best we can, the lives of others will be touched in the process.

While we are focused on controlling the thoughts, words, actions, and lives of others, we are distracted and derailed from controlling our own.

Isn’t it interesting that when we are self-aware enough to realize our need to control OTHERS, stems from the frustration of the inability to control OURSELVES, and in the very act of trying to control OTHERS, we are distracting ourselves from the REAL, inner work that needs to be done?

The ego is there to protect us and make us feel better about ourselves, to validate its worth, and sometimes it tries to prove we are not as worthless as we feel, and the act of controlling others is because of a judgment we have passed on them so we can feel superior, or better than, in order to bolster up ourselves with a false sense of confidence.

IT TAKES REAL COURAGE TO GO WITHIN AND DO THE NECESSARY AND DIFFICULT WORK, and practice SELF control, while simply allowing others to just BE.  Interestingly, when we do this, we are more likely to more quickly expand into love, practice self-acceptance, self-appreciation, and self-love, and then be FAR more capable of accepting, appreciating, and loving others.  When we do this for others, they then return the favor, and do the same to us.

When others come to us for help or advice, all we can REALLY share with them is what has worked for US.  We cannot fix them, as much as they may want and beg us to.  All we can do is love them during THEIR own personal, unique process, giving them all of the compassion, acceptance, kindness, understanding, and empathy they need, but are still unable to give to themselves, all the while pointing out solutions that have worked for us, or others.

While we can intend to help, empower, motivate, and inspire others to learn and improve themselves, that is THEIR responsibility and journey to realize and manifest this for THEMSELVES.  Once THEY are ready, if they ever become so, THEN is the time they will seek out others to help, empower, motivate, and inspire them.  

Some people just don’t want you to help them.  That is okay.  The only person we can control is our self.  By knowing this and following this plan, we remain in a creative flow.  We remain in a creative process.

The choice is ours.  We can choose to be a part of a creative process and do everything we can to improve ourselves, or we can choose to be a part of a destructive process and do everything we can to control, manipulate, and improve others.

“Meet people where they already are instead of expecting them to change.  Accept others as they are.  That is true empathy, love, and greatness.” – Jay Shetty

100% personal accountability is the key to a happier world.  We are all at different places and stages in this life experience.  We all do what we can to empower others who are asking for it and really want it, but our responsibility lies in controlling ONLY our self.

Today I will let go of my need to control others and the situations around me.  Today I will focus on self-acceptance, self-control, Personal Development, and personal accountability.  I will remember that when I judge or criticize OTHERS, that is an indicator of work I have to do within ME.


goodinthehead is also on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, and Twitter.  The goodinthehead Podcast can be found on YouTube.  Follow me there, as well, for daily messages, inspiration, motivation, and reminders.  Please pay it forward, and share this, and ANY message, which may empower someone you love or may care about.  It is through adding value to others by sharing and spreading wisdom, that we become more valuable as individuals, and collectively, as a whole, we all become wiser.  

Remember:  Mindset matters.  Character counts.  That which we choose to consistently focus on is what EXPANDS in our lives.  WE CREATE our personal realities.

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